The Zoos Shave All the Animals

For now that is.

I shall see you in a week.

Or is the Killers new song a bit crap when compared to their old stuff?

For some reason it didn't want to put the pic on the previous blog so here it is:


Top Gun.

As some of you know and some of you don't, my Uncle Tim past away last Sunday afternoon.

He is a legend and will certainly be greatly remember by everyone who knew him and I'm sure he's with God now.

And this weekend was his funeral. However, it has turned out to be a weekend to remember and has absolutely reminded me that having a huge family may have it's down points some of the time, but the high points far outweigh the bad points.

Better start from the beginning...


4am. Friday

Whenever I have to catch flights, it always involves getting up at a stupidly early hour and then having to wait for people to get ready before you can go. Well, I was the person who they were waiting for so I couldn't really complain at that one.

I've only ever been in a plane 6 times and have never flown up the length of England before and the flight up didn't disappoint. The weather was fantastic - so good that you could clearly see even the smallest detail from the plane. My brother and cousin decided to give us all a guided tour of Bristol as we circled around it.

"There's the Suspension Bridge."
"Oh, there's Ashton Gate."

Seeing the city where you live from such a height is pretty damn sweet.

You really, really don't know how green England is until you see cities like Cardiff, Liverpool and Manchester surrounded just by green.

Also, you don't realise how fun it is to wind up people who are scared about flying (my cousin Josh) until you actually do it and he starts making high pitched yelps when the plane takes off and lands.


Site Seeing

We met my uncle Greg (he's on TV don't you know) at Edinburgh airport with his lady friend and they wanted to go and see the Rosilyn chaple, which is the chaple at the end of the Di Vinci Code. It was a good idea cos the chaple and grounds are amazing. Lots of stone carvings, brilliant stained glass windows and a great view from on top of the chaple which over looks a forest.

And you knew it was for tourists cos everything in the souvernire shop was a complete rip off.

But they did have soup in a basket...


Catching Up With The Family

We went back to my Aunties house and decided it would be a good idea to eat.

So we ordered 9 pizzas.

This is how many people were in the house! And this was only the beginning.

Also, you know how you also have family members who you just don't ever see. Well, one of my Aunties has 5 children who just can't ever be bothered to show up for much. Miracle of miracles they managed to make it all the way to Scotland... and did I recognise all of them? Heck no!

I spose it's the thought that counts... and the fact the weekend coinsided with a wedding one of them were going to anyway probably made it easier for them to show up.


Funeral

Tim was a bit of a stockly built man and I'm not too sure if either of my brother's realized exactly how heavy the coffin was going to be until they woke up the next morning with bruising on their shoulders. I guess I should've noticed by the expression on their faces that it was pretty heavy... I didn't want to carry it...

I'm not sure if you've ever dropped a coffin before but I expect it's not the best idea. I think I'd rather declare a reason why 2 people couldn't be married during a wedding.

Lots of people were there which is always nice and we even had beagles (sorta like trumpets) being played by two Royal Marines. My Uncle was in the RM and was a band leader. (he was actually in the Guiness Book of Records as the shortest ever Marine)

After the funeral we went to a eat and mingle etc and had a live band playing all sorts, like Blue Peter and... erm... other stuff which I don't know the name of. It was cool. One guy had a trumbone which was about as big as himself. Trying to make up for something perhaps... hmm...


Funnies

So you think I'm wierd? You'd be right. But all in all I'm pretty normal when compared to some others in my family.

Case 1:

Josh - he had a sherriff badge on his belt, so was claiming all week that he was the sherriff of the town and no one should mess with him. When asked to rub the badge, he did. It was very funny. Think 'Andy Norm' and you are about 90% of the way there.

"How far is it to Derby?"

"How do they speak in Manchester?"

Classics.

Case 2:

Martin - my cousin wanted us to stay quiet as we walked from the house to the hotel on Saturday night at about 11:00pm. We lasted about 5 minutes until we broke into song. He lasted about 5 minutes 10 seconds.


Case 3:

Daniel - Dad had printed a pic that Tim had taken of him with 3 of my brothers (below). Daniel is the one on the far right. I'm not sure exactly what brought it on, but he decided to tell us all about his apparent 'stiffy' in the pic. So for the rest of the weekend he was subject to joke after joke after joke.



'Daniel's love for machines started at an early age'
'Daniel seemed to enjoy the trip on to the ship a bit too much'

Daniel: I think you're all getting a bit too excited about this now.
Tom: Well. We weren't the first!


Hotel + Us

We all thought it would be a good idea to hang out in the hotel lobby by the bar and as you do, we made a circle of 20 chairs so everyone could join in.

Unfortunately, the hotel staff were feeling a bit gay.
Apparently the circle was 'inappropriately large' and we had to put the chairs back lest we intimidate the locals.

I'm not sure if you've ever been told your in an 'inappriopriatly large circle' but it was pretty funny considering my family is massive. And the fact they used the words inappropriately large in the same sentence.
________________________
We also wanted to watch good ol' Jonathan Ross on the TV at 12:00am. So we turned the TV up to hear it.

'Sorry Sir, but the TV is too loud and you have rooms above you. Can you turn it down.'

Erm. WE could barely hear the TV from 3 metres away so I somehow doubt they're gonna have much trouble with it up stairs, muppet.

The hotel also didn't do cooked breakfast. How pants.


Flight Home

Pilot: I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen but we are still waiting for 5 people to board the plane before we can take off. We shall wait 5 more minutes but then we shall have to unload the luggage just to take theirs out.

1 minute later...

Plane Load of People: *applause and cheering* for all of the 5 people who manage to make it in time.

All in all, it was a great weekend and I know Tim would've been proud of all of our antics!

I think my weekly lifts with Brian are the times of the week where I laugh the most.

If you've never shared a lift with Brian, then you are missing out big time.

We really do just have the same sense of humour.

However, Brian does use English rather liberally in the sense that I have no idea what she's talking about most of the time. Here is the:

"Dictionary Of Brian".

1) Cub - The part where the pavement meets the road and is raised up.

2) De Vet - The thick sheet that covers you when you are sleeping.

3) Pack - To bring a vehicle to a stationary position with the intention of leaving it there.

4) Another word for 'Poo' - A person who breaks the rules in a game. ie: He of The Ten Shampoos (treaty breaker...)


This undefinitive list shall grow.

And on a slightly more serious note, thanks to all the worship team/elders for making us feel welcome tonight.

Very much appreciated.

But more importantly, ta for bringing things that have been bugging you to our attention. They have been noted!

So I just got back from town.

I went to the Commercial Rooms (Mushrooms) first to meet up with some mates from work, who I've only really known for 3 weeks so thought it would be good idea to go out to get to know them a bit better.

Queue in "Token Pretty Girl who used to work at Southmead".

Now TPGwutwaS was very, very attractive. And I was feeling a bit naughty so when she started flirting with me and then dragged me off the dance floor to ask me what I wanted to do, I figured she was game... as you do... lol...

(I'm making myself sound so blokish here, I know)

So we were chatting away and I went for the kill.

....

It turns out she wasn't really up for that 'cos it's boring'. (alright love, I get the hint!) But then somehow the convo reached the subject of sex. I promise I didn't ask her :P But it brought me an oppotunity to talk with her about my Christianity. (which after trying it on with her, didn't really seem like the best road to then walk down, but hey!)

Anyway, she told me about her friend Sam who's a Christian and then proceeded to science bash me which then I turned it around to my Christian perspective. However, I don't know if you've ever tried to witness in Reflex. It's kinda loud and usually the people you're talking to are kinda drunk which usual is bad.

So what did I do? I invited her outside to where it would be quiet.

T.W.A.T Tom

By this point she probably thought I was trying it on again and kindly refused my offer. However, the day I use God as an excuse to 'go somewhere quiet' just to try it on with a girl will be a dark, dark day indeed.

Anyway, we got back to dancing and I think we both tried our best to ignore each other the rest of the night. :)


So... I also: COMPLETED THE LOZ TASK

On my way back to my car I was walking past these two guys when one of them stopped me to ask me for cash. I'm going to admit here that I was going to give him £1 and be off. However, I had 1p in change and £5 note and £10 note in my wallet... and I don't know if you've ever given a homeless person 1p, but I imagine it's not really the best thing to do.

So I gave him the £5. Recently T has been telling me about how more than anything else in the Gospels, Jesus tells us to give money and to help the poor. So I have felt compelled to give.

But along with the £5 I told the guy that I was giving it to him because God loves him.

And he said:

"I've had people give me 50p and £1's but I have never had anybody say that Jesus loves me. I can see the love of God in your eyes. Thank you for putting a smile on my face."

Obviously after the rejection from the TPGwutwaS I felt a bit better because of that.

We actually chatted for about 5 minutes and he's from Alabama and had recently left his wife. I honestly didn't know what to say or do cos he was telling me he had no where to stay except the shelter. And in that respect I felt completely helpless cos I couldn't really do anything about that.

I'm sure God has started something again inside him though.

Oh this IS funny...

I was just about to write a blog about myself, calling the blog,
"The World According To Tom"

but I thought I'd abbreviate it to save time.

It turns out that it's really funny.

It's not very often where I meet a person and really, really like them - but this week was one such week.

Because speaking to Miss Gorgeous all this week put me in a bit of a pickle... or a jam... or some other sort of food container.

It turns out that she is a really nice person and was by far the easiest person I've been able to speak and joke with since I started my new job.

But she's gone now to go travelling with her boyfriend to Oz, NZ and South America.

I sound like a woman, I know (well, perhaps a lesbian...) but why do all the great girls who I like already have boyfriends?

(Collective 'sigh' for Tom pls) :)